Good Aftrenoon Peeps
We often refuse to talk to each other for years after an argument just because neither side wants to be the first to let go of their pride and apologize. But who decided apologizing was a sign of weakness?
I think we’ve reached a day and age where showing emotional vulnerability can be viewed as a positive rather than a negative quality.
People are becoming more aware of ideas like empathy and sensitivity, and everywhere we are being encouraged to talk about our feelings, to seek help, and to connect with others. Gone are the days of keeping everything bottled up inside to suffer alone.
I have found myself in situations many times where I had to apologize even when I didn’t feel I was wrong and when my Ego was shouting excuses and justifications for my behavior. I was ready to immediately fix the damage, but I wasn’t ok with saying “I’m sorry” because I didn’t see the purpose of it. I was insecure in the idea of being vulnerable to the world.
When we are hurt by somebody, there is anger in us that makes us want some form of justice to be restored.
We want that person to know how much they’ve hurt us, we want them to show us they understood why this has caused us pain and say they will make an effort to not hurt us again. When somebody hurts us, we lose trust in them and in order to restore that trust and heal the broken link there needs to be a proper apology and restitution in place.
Saying “I’m sorry, but…” nullifies the apology.
In our rush to get rid of guilt we feel when we make mistakes, we tend to use “cliches” and standardized apologies that make more damage than good.
their is a story i read once on the internet and i loved it so much so it goes this way :
Once upon a time, there was a little boy who had a bad temper.
His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”
How did this story feel to you?
We all make mistakes. When you try to repair the damage, do you make the situation better or worse? We’ve all been raised to say “ I’m sorry ” after hurting someone through our words or actions, but is your apology disingenuous or a meaningful expression of regret? What are the ingredients of an effective apology? If you can’t make it better, don’t make it worse. While people may be angry or disappointed by the offense, it pales in comparison to an insincere apology.
As someone once said, “When you’ve done something wrong, admit it, and be sorry. No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride.” The part they overlooked is that words without action are meaningless. Never say “I’m sorry” unless you mean it.
SO WOULD YOU SAY SORRY FROM HEART AND MEAN IT ???
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